Enlarge Barbara Locklear, a Lumbee Indian, explains the Talking Stick.

Posted: January 26th, 2010 Rhiannon Fionn-Bowman

Local poet and playwright, Quentin Talley (a.k.a. Q), channeled Aretha Franklin's famous "R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (Find out what it means to me)" lyrics when he asked participants in a Jan. 23 workshop at the Mint Museum to write down what respect means to them. Called "Eye to Eye: Building Respect One Relationship at a Time," the workshop included poetry, art, storytelling and "talking stick" lessons.

However, contrary to Aretha's anthem, participants in the workshop, made possible by a Front Porch Grant, quickly found that respect is more about listening and paying attention to others than it is about explaining your own needs for R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

The day began with a guided tour through the Mint Museum's exhibit of Lois Mailou Jones' work. Q instructed everyone not to just stare, but to think about the lessons in respect Jones was conveying through her paintings of Haiti, North Carolina and Paris.

After lunch, Q asked the crowd to share the words of respect that came to their mind. Some of those words were acceptance, tolerance, listening, character, manners, understanding. No one mentioned teaching others to respect them, rather the focus was on offering respect to others.

Storyteller and librarian Irania Patterson encouraged the group to respect their elders as she talked about her mission to collect stories about her grandmother from her aunts and uncles. She reminded everyone that respect is a learned trait, often passed down from one generation to the other.

Patterson also talked about her identity confusion when she moved to the United States from Venezuela. Everyone wanted to know what to call her. Was she Latina? Hispanic? "Just call me by my name," she replied.

Barbara Locklear, a Native American storyteller from the Lumbee tribe in Eastern North Carolina, talked about how her people were disrespected for centuries. One example: While eight Native American tribes live in the state, there is only one reservation. But, she reminded everyone, "With all of these differences there are some things we all share. One of these is respect for the natural world and the belief we are all connected – we are all brothers and sisters."

Her people, she said, recognize that "words are the most powerful tools we possess." That's why the Native American Talking Stick is so important. Whomever is holding the stick is the only one permitted to speak, everyone else must listen.

Locklear brought sticks, cut by her husband and son, as well as decorations so everyone who attended could make their own talking stick. "It's not what your stick looks like that makes it special," she said as participants took turns selecting their beads and feathers, "it's what it represents."

And, what it represents is one the easiest way to show others respect – and it's like mama always told us: We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we talk.

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