Enlarge Panelists take questions from the audience. (L-R) Schrag, Tran, Baumgarte, Printz.

Posted: March 24th, 2011 Rhiannon Fionn-Bowman

What makes a person a friend instead of just an acquaintance? What do people in other countries think about friendship?

Those were just a couple of the questions covered in Crossroads' Bonds Across Ponds conversation about cross-cultural friendships on March 22. More than 30 people participated in the event, held at the McColl Center for Visual Arts.

The panelists were four well-traveled, knowledgeable multicultural experts: Dr. Roger Baumgarte, Lara Printz, Anthony Schrag and Loan Tran. (Read their bios here.)

During the conversation, it became clear that Americans and non-Americans have differing views of friendship. While Americans charm newcomers with our friendliness when they first arrive, after a while, said Baumgarte, a psychologist, people from other cultures find Americans "a little shallow" and "don't see us as being very friendly at all."

But friendship doesn't mean just being nice to newcomers. Friendships have different degrees of depth and tones depending on such factors as common history, interests and gender.

In some cultures, people treat friends like family and believe friendships aren't chosen but fated. In others, it's OK for one friend to tell another, "I don't like you" (which isn't the same as "I hate you"), whereas in America "we have a very strong need to be liked," said Baumgarte. Even apologies vary. For example, saying "I'm sorry" all the time won't go over well unless you genuinely mean it and actually have something to be sorry for.

Here, we value individuality and self-esteem whereas in other countries "self-esteem is just irrelevant" and the community's needs matter more, said Baumgarte.

Of course, Tran, who was born in Vietnam, reminded everyone that, "There are many cultures within this room, we're not thousands of miles apart."

"And then there is Facebook," said Printz, of International House, where the word "friend" may actually mean "connection."

"People are aware that we use the word 'friend' loosely," said Schrag, who has lived in several countries.

That doesn't mean we're doing friendship wrong, it just means we do it differently. That's why it's important to explore and work to understand our differences.

"This is how we end conflict," said Printz, "by getting to know other cultures."

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